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Posts Tagged ‘Diabetes’

What a couple of weeks this has been. Ups and downs, downs and sideways and then more downs. It’s been crazy and depressing and darn right hard. I’m ready to make something happen now.

I’m tired of being tired. I’m sick of being sick. I want to get up in the morning and feel positive that today is going to be a good day. These black clouds that have been surrounding me need to go away, and probably not from rays of sunshine shooting out of my eyes and mouth, but at least by me swatting them away. I know that was kind of a weird visual, but yea 😀

Anyways .. I honestly don’t want to delve into what went on the last couple of weeks. It’s done and over with, things can’t be undone and can’t be taken back and I need to move on. Lets hope that those rainclouds are still running.

So in attempt to start anew and fresh Len and I began to make a plan for what we want to happen, how to make it happen, and when things might start to happen. A part of that plan involves good habits, eating healthier and tracking what we eat. We had this big thing made up and what did I go and do today? Binged. Hardcore. Not even because I was sad, or depressed, perhaps a little bored though. I was so full and I kept on eating, it was insane. I felt so sick when I got home and then my sister started dinner. It smelled so good, yet I felt so sick. Eventually my stomach calmed a little and then I had a huge lapse in judgment and down went dinner. I don’t even have words for what went on with me tonight. I feel so gross and defeated. I need a new plan, and I am thinking of trying low carb. I know that the first couple weeks of a low carb diet is hard and pretty crazy, but I believe it can be maintained as a lifestyle change and when I get past these first couple of weeks and start adding more foods in and seeing how I feel, exercise might just be my next step! I don’t want to get to far ahead of myself though, baby steps.

Although I was a bit depressed and feel a little blah right now because of all the food I’ve consumed today, I do feel slightly motivated to become healthier right now. My sister went to the doctor today, and a similar situation to my mom, came out with more things wrong with her than she went in with. It scares me to know my mom has diabetes and my sister has diabetes, and she has not kept her diabetes in check and is now having a lot of side affects. I’m a LOT bigger than she is. I don’t want to end up blind because of Diabetes, or losing a limb. I don’t want to have to take insulin or anything like that. I don’t want to have a heart attack at 26, and I want to be around for a long long time to live it up with Len. I want to go bike riding, go on an adventure, go jogging with Len, go on a cruise, and not worry about if I can fit in the seats at a restaurant or a movie theater, or if the seat belt in someones car is going to fit me. I hate that my life revolves around my weight in a negative way, and I want to change that. Right. Now.

I need to do some more research on low carb stuff, but I think by tomorrow I should have a decent look at what I want to at least start out with. This is my commitment right here, right now, witness it.

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