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Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

What a couple of weeks this has been. Ups and downs, downs and sideways and then more downs. It’s been crazy and depressing and darn right hard. I’m ready to make something happen now.

I’m tired of being tired. I’m sick of being sick. I want to get up in the morning and feel positive that today is going to be a good day. These black clouds that have been surrounding me need to go away, and probably not from rays of sunshine shooting out of my eyes and mouth, but at least by me swatting them away. I know that was kind of a weird visual, but yea πŸ˜€

Anyways .. I honestly don’t want to delve into what went on the last couple of weeks. It’s done and over with, things can’t be undone and can’t be taken back and I need to move on. Lets hope that those rainclouds are still running.

So in attempt to start anew and fresh Len and I began to make a plan for what we want to happen, how to make it happen, and when things might start to happen. A part of that plan involves good habits, eating healthier and tracking what we eat. We had this big thing made up and what did I go and do today? Binged. Hardcore. Not even because I was sad, or depressed, perhaps a little bored though. I was so full and I kept on eating, it was insane. I felt so sick when I got home and then my sister started dinner. It smelled so good, yet I felt so sick. Eventually my stomach calmed a little and then I had a huge lapse in judgment and down went dinner. I don’t even have words for what went on with me tonight. I feel so gross and defeated. I need a new plan, and I am thinking of trying low carb. I know that the first couple weeks of a low carb diet is hard and pretty crazy, but I believe it can be maintained as a lifestyle change and when I get past these first couple of weeks and start adding more foods in and seeing how I feel, exercise might just be my next step! I don’t want to get to far ahead of myself though, baby steps.

Although I was a bit depressed and feel a little blah right now because of all the food I’ve consumed today, I do feel slightly motivated to become healthier right now. My sister went to the doctor today, and a similar situation to my mom, came out with more things wrong with her than she went in with. It scares me to know my mom has diabetes and my sister has diabetes, and she has not kept her diabetes in check and is now having a lot of side affects. I’m a LOT bigger than she is. I don’t want to end up blind because of Diabetes, or losing a limb. I don’t want to have to take insulin or anything like that. I don’t want to have a heart attack at 26, and I want to be around for a long long time to live it up with Len. I want to go bike riding, go on an adventure, go jogging with Len, go on a cruise, and not worry about if I can fit in the seats at a restaurant or a movie theater, or if the seat belt in someones car is going to fit me. I hate that my life revolves around my weight in a negative way, and I want to change that. Right. Now.

I need to do some more research on low carb stuff, but I think by tomorrow I should have a decent look at what I want to at least start out with. This is my commitment right here, right now, witness it.

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As the title says this has been a rough week for me, and tomorrow IS a new day. This could become a looooong post of catching up!

The rough part of my week was really just depression. I was doing really well for weeks and then boy did it come back and hit me, it hit me hard and made up for time! Trying to look back on it now in a better state of mind I can’t really even think of WHY I was so depressed. It was just a mix of everything together and it took me over the edge and fast. I am so glad Len is so understanding and patient with me in this time. I feel like if we were together though things wouldn’t feel as hopeless as they do once I get into a depression like this. Having physical support (a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold) is so much more comforting to me than a text message. I’m not going to get into it though because I’ve had so much talking about and our friend Kendall has been really helping me out and I appreciate everything she does for me!

Well, I’ve been working on this post for days now, mostly because I will get distracted with something else. So as much as I wanted to write into it explaining how everything has gone, I’ll just summarize the day-to-day stuff so I can get down to the things I really want to work on. Goals. Like I said, the week started rough with the depression and then it got pretty good because I got a reply back about a job and went to an interview. The job was through a temp service and they called and asked if I’d want to work at another place (apparently I didn’t get the original job!) and of course I said yes and it ended up being a really good job/pay. I was having a hard time getting excited over the job and after finally letting myself .. the order got canceled! Ugh. Pissed. So I went and met with another woman and I have another appointment on Tuesday to see about another job. That was a roller-coaster ride emotionally. I still feel, even with jobs on the horizon, that I want to go back to CA. So, so, so, so, so much!

So anyways. For the last couple of days that I have been pretty okay emotionally and mentally, I have thought that I need to step up my game with my blog and my health stuff. I need to get back on track with my to-do lists of course, I also want to actually commit to an exercise routine. The weather around here has been getting pretty super nice instead of in your face I-can’t-breath-oh-lord-please-help-me humid hot. I get this weird feeling of i want to do SOMETHING, but I just can’t figure out what it is let alone how to do it. I can’t figure it out! So what I am going to do in this post is to set some new things up!

Eating

Sometimes I can do a great job with my eating (mostly when I have a job and can afford food). Other times I find myself bingeing, a lot. I need to find my balance. I need to find a way to not constantly think about what am I going to be eating next and going through an hour of calorie counting and then find myself really hungry because all I have done is think about food. I’m still not completely sure on a full-blown plan, but a few things I want to start doing and I still think slow and steady will be my best overall plan. I’ve had a subscription, from my wonderful boyfriend Len, to Jillian Michaels website. I used it for a while but didn’t follow through, I didn’t like the food tracker and used it mostly for information and the exercise stuff. Of course after the subscription I found Spark People (free!). I want to use this tool to really help me out, it is free after all and I really like their food tracker! My plan is 1400-1600 calories. Now, I’m not going to narrow myself to ONLY healthy stuff now because at this point in life (with no money and not much choice of what is bought to eat) I would rather just stick to goals that are achievable. So no matter what I eat as long as I stick to those calories, and that doesn’t give me an excuse to eat a 1000 calorie burger (but if I reaaaally wanted it I could!).

Exercise

This subject I struggle with. A lot. My mentality is that if I’ve already eaten something bad, what’s the point in exercising? I’ve already ruined my day. Well, I need to think different. If I do happen to eat something that I feel is on the lower end of the healthy spectrum, then I NEED to exercise. I also can’t just stop it there. I think because my food really isn’t something I can completely control, I need to find my control in exercise. If that means creating a schedule (something I didn’t want to do starting this journey) for exercise then so be it. Maybe it’s what I need. I’ve thought of either creating my routine, or perhaps doing the couch to 5k plan. It might take me awhile longer to get to certain fitness levels on that, but it could be a good goal to do. I’m still kind of working this part out.

Mental

I actually felt really good when I was keeping track of my goals and having routines etc. I think for myself and to make myself feel better, I need to do and get back into my to-do lists and my routines. I tend to do something for a day or two and then go back to old ways, but I am going to stick to my lists this time.

This is my tentative plan now. I am going to take more time to actually plan out what I’m going to do now and hopefully my next post will have updates on that.

I wish I had taken pictures the last week. I made a really good meatloaf from Healthy Decadence show on FitTV, it was actually really yummy and my very picky sister loved it! Tonight I had made pork chops a new way from a random website I had taken the idea off of, but didn’t really follow the recipe. Basically I used a seasoning salt then browned the pork chops, I used 3 onions sliced and a cup of water and then simmered it all together. Turned the chops, simmered again. At the end the onions were gone (they weren’t suppose to be!) and I ended up making a bit of a gravy to put over the chops. It may not have been the most healthy, but it was damn delicious!

Anyhoo, tomorrow is the start of a new week, and a holiday at that. It will be a good day!

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If I had a job I might kick back and relax and have a lazy Saturday and Sunday, but I don’t, so my weekends are usually much like the rest of my week .. BORING!! Today however I made 2 things food-wise and I feel accomplished and happy!

My day started kinda late, I still need to work on going to bed early and waking up early. So I was going to wait to make the pancit I have craved (and got the noodles for yesterday at the Asian market) for some day when we had to go to the store and I’d pick up the veggies that I needed. I was really craving it though for some reason so I ran to the store and grabbed what I needed and then I was happily and excitedly in the process of making Pancit! Now, I really didn’t have big expectations because 1) I had eaten pancit made from awesome cooks (Lens mom and aunt) who have probably made it their whole lives and 2) Because it was my first time even attempting it. You know what? It didn’t come out half bad! My sister liked it which is surprising because she’s pretty picky. All in all I got my fix, and made a good dish! Also, when I had made my first loaf of bread I had also made a spreadsheet to figure out how many calories and stuff would be in a serving of any recipes I made. I plugged in the information for the pancit and it was really good!

1 cup = 50 cal, 2 fat, 4.5 carbs

I was reading some health/food blogs and came across a recipe for Banana Oatmeal Cookies and looking through the ingredients I knew I had all of those things (minus flax-seed), and being they looked super yummy i was all for making them! I figured I’d do the smart thing first and plug them into my recipe nutrition figure outer spreadsheet thingy, and I was very surprised at the stats on these. It was not very good per cookie, like almost 150 calories and 15 carbs per cookie. I did end up making them, but I don’t think I’ll be eating very many of them or at least only ONE.

I was reading some healthy living blogs and I had a moment of inspiration seeing that a LOT of the people who do these blogs are runners. I guess reading about running makes me really want to do it. So I grabbed some workout clothes and my dog and jumped in the car. We drove just down the road to a local church where there is a small graveyard with a road going around it and cotton field surrounding it now. Pretty secluded and safe feeling (no random dogs running around). I forgot to drive around the road to figure out the distance but I walked two laps around with the last stretch on a jog. I then walked a stretch, jogged a stretch, walked a stretch, and half jog/walked the last stretch back to the car. All in all for not doing much exercise I think that was really good start! I felt really accomplished afterward.

My to-do list was pretty small, and still didn’t do much on it. Most of what I did today was pretty random, like the cooking/baking. I am sooo tired now though!! Finishing up this post and then heading to bed! Somehow I managed to delete my to-do list for today before I saved it to show. My weekly will have to do this time!

Lots of pictures after the jump πŸ™‚ Will add recipes and links for the food tomorrow. (more…)

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Average Friday

Friday night I was so tired I was writing my post for the night and fell asleep!

Friday was pretty average. Like every Friday for the last few months I took mom to the Clearview Cancer Institute, but today was just a labs day instead of chemo. Which meant instead of 2-3 hours we were there like 15 minutes. Hallelujah!

My mission for that day was to find an Asian market because I was craving some of the Filipino dish pancit like nobodies business. Len’s mom and aunt would make the noodle dish usually every weekend or every other weekend when his family would get together. It is sooo delicious. There are a lot of food stuff that they would make in California that I miss, but as long as it isn’t super crazy ingredients or to many, I don’t see why I can’t attempt to make it! So anyway, I found a place in a slightly shady looking strip mall in Huntsville (I believe most of Huntsville is shady looking anyway) but the place was much nicer inside. Got my noodles and a can of Lychee in syrup (yum!) and had a piece of free plum candy which did taste just like a plum!

After my mission was complete we hit up the Wal-Mart for moms medicine (which they didn’t have ready after an hour and a half, so we are going back Sunday) and a couple of essentials. I got a lot of good walking in because I decided since mom was in the car I would go from one end of the store to the other to pick items up. So for example, I went to the pharmacy, then went to get milk (on the other end), back past the pharmacy to get cat litter, then back to near the milk to get some string cheese, went back to the pet section and got a 1.00 catnip toy, then back to the other side to grab a subway sandwich for our lunch, then back to the pharmacy, then back near subway to check out. I know it sounds a little crazy, but it was good exercise because I walked kinda fast (faster than I would if mom was with me).

Afterward we went home and basically my day turned into a food crap fest and lazy. I must have eaten everything in sight and I don’t know why! My issue with it is that I KNOW I’m doing it, and I don’t make myself stop. I don’t say to myself, “Hey, eating that wouldn’t be good for you. Lets just put it back.” No .. I say, “Hey, eating that wouldn’t be good for you, but oh well it’s really good and I want it.” What is wrong with me!? I actually got pretty depressed about the stuff I ate afterward (which is the usual vicious cycle) but I started to play a game which took my mind off everything until I had to start dinner.

Dinner was baked pork chops, baked potatoes (though not baked, microwaved), and corn. Not a terrible dinner, but I am pretty sure I ate way to much of it.Β  Food and I need to have an intervention. I’m still not sure what to do except count calories even though I didn’t want to, I just wanted to eat healthier except eating a ton of healthy stuff is still not good. I’m thinking I am going to go with 1400 calories, which was what my goal calories was when I was following the JillianMichaels.com site. That low amount of calories would really force me to eat less, which is what I really need because I eat way to much.

My to-do list was pretty small today, I’ve slacked off on some of my morning/night routine so have not been counting it if I don’t do it all. I’ve had fold/put away laundry on my list for about 5 days now (which is what the asterisks mean!) Saturday ends my week and I will be thinking up some new goals and things to start Sunday, and another week to get my routine down.

Pictures from the day πŸ™‚

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I don’t know what time I fell asleep last night, waiting for conversation that never came, but I woke up around noon. Alright, it wasn’t around noon, it WAS noon exactly. I hate waking up so late and if I know I don’t actually have to be up (like for a job or an appointment) I always sleep through my alarms or snooze them. I was doing really well while I had to be up with mom to help her get around the house because she normally is an early riser, but now that I know I don’t have to it seems I can’t wake up earlier than the afternoon. I’m sure my depression doesn’t help and neither does going to bed at 2am. I am declaring this my second weekly goal, going to bed at a decent hour.

While cleaning out some programs from my computer and thinking about how I can organize a routine I thought, I need some post-it notes on my computer since I’m always on it. So I googled it and found these Sticky Notes and so far I am liking it. I’m on my way to being organized!! I know some of the things are like DUH i do them anyway, but I need to learn to get healthy habits and stick with them, so adding it to my routine is just making sure I stick with everything.

Started the bread just as a huuuuge storm crashed into us, it was pretty crazy! It turned out great! At least I think so for my first ever loaf of bread! I got 20 slices out of it, for 97 calories a slice and 16 carbs. I only keep track of carbs because of my moms diabetes, so I may have to see about any low carb bread recipes out there!

I slowly did the things on my to-do list, though the rain put a damper on one or two. I’m not complaining though, I’d rather have this rain than the 106 degree humidity of the last week or so. Yea, you heard right. 106 humidity. *shudder*

Dinner was Chinese food, and though in general you can get some good stuff with Chinese food, I didn’t make very good choices. I ordered Mongolian Beef, which was good, and I DID only eat half of the rice & main course (which is a big improvement for me!). I had ordered a small thing of bbq boneless spare ribs, and somehow managed to eat the whole container 😦 .. I WILL do better tomorrow. I didn’t eat anything else for the rest of the night, and I didn’t really have a whole lot to eat during the day.

I can only hope that means California!

So did I finish what I set out to do today? Well .. see for yourself!

It’s almost 12:30am right now, and I am planning on going to bed as SOON as I post this! Not my 11 cut off time, but this is only the first day of my routine, so I’m gonna chalk this up as a win anyway.

So here’s the bread pictures, a storm video, more bread pictures, and finally the recipe! Along with some just regular pics!

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I really consider today a success! I didn’t do anything super amazing, but I ate healthy (mostly), I laughed (a lot), and I enjoyed myself. I did not have a negative thought today that would ruin the day for me, just the usual “IT IS SO HOT OUTSIDE, I CANT STAND IT!” I don’t have many pictures to start adding to the blog, something I hope to do within all my posts, so explanation and a little imagination will have to do!

Today started out like every Friday has for the last couple of months now.Β  Let me really start this by explaining the situation of my mother right now, and let me also just note that my Mother has surprised the hell out of me for the last 5 months or so. The week I returned from California (in April) my mom had an eye surgery to clear out what she called ‘cobwebs’ in her vision. Said cobwebs ended up being dried blood in her eye and the surgery was suppose to drain that blood as well as re-attach her retina (which was apparently unattached). Neither surgeries stuck and my mom can’t see out of her left eye anymore. This is when I started one of my many titles, the driver. Now, upon doing this surgery not only can she not see out of her eye, but they discovered she had Diabetes and a strange mass they could not figure out in the said sightless eye. This worried everyone because what could it be? It could be more blood, a clot, or .. some sort of cancer. We really hoped it wasn’t that one. With all this craziness going on with her health, it was decided she should really get a physical and a family doctor. That physical changed a lot as well, with many other tests, they finally figured out she had Breast Cancer as well. We were all in shock because what they say is true, you don’t ever think the bad things can happen to you until well .. they do. My mom started Chemotherapy and is doing great on it. The cancer (in her breasts, lymph-nodes, and lungs) are all getting smaller. They still don’t know what the mass in her eye is, but they did also discover cataracts in the right and a massive one in the left (which no one told us about before). So now she will be getting cataract surgery in her right eye (her vision is very blurry and caused her to fall and crack her hip bone) which hopefully will help her see better, and they will probably do a surgery in her left strictly for them to be able to try and see what that mass is. I mentioned earlier that my mom has surprised me the last 5 months or so and the reason being, she has not complained once. Not once. She has not cried, she has not become depressed over the health issues, she barely even wants to take pain meds even when the pain is so bad she can’t stand it. My mom is so tough, tougher than I thought she ever was. In the face of Diabetes, Breast Cancer (and the fun side-affects of chemo; dizziness, sickness, and a myriad of other things), losing sight in one eye, blurriness in the other, and falling and cracking her hip my mother has stood tall and proud and strong.Β  I am so proud of her.

So back to the start of the day, we usually have to wake up early to get to moms chemo session but the late night last night (4am!) and the tossing and turning I did the whole ‘night’ really set me up or failure. Got up barely on time, did the shower thing, and had to rush out the door. Needless to say breakfast choice was not the best thing ever, McDonalds. Okay, it could possibly be the worst decision ever, but you know .. I own it. We went to McDonalds, and in my search for a Healthier lifestyle, I will not be going back. Probably not to any fast food joint ever again. I think going hungry will be in my future before I hit a drive-thru again! So two sausage burritos and a sausage biscuit later(I know I eat a lot and hope when i am able to really focus on eating healthy this will become less of a problem), we got to the hospital and did our usual thing. Moms treatments are pretty short these days (45 minutes or so) because she was taken off some medicine that could affect her bones in her hip healing, so after about 2 hours (we had to see the doctor and that takes FOREVER) we were able to bounce out of there.

First stop, my newest most favorite place ever .. Earthfare!! It’s a health food store that gives me my Trader Joes fix here in the South. Man I miss Trader Joes! Anyway, had a couple coupons so I got a pound of Welch’s Organic Grapes for free, and a free insulated lunch bag! Wee! Is it weird to be excited about a lunch bag? Also purchased; Bananas, Mangos, couple of peaches, whole wheat bread flour (because tomorrow I will be attempting to make my first ever loaf of bread!!), and organic local honey. A few samples were also eaten, mm samples. We also didn’t make it out of there without a little lunch, Berry Spring Rolls. I am so proud of myself for picking these over fast food and going with these instead of something else because they were AWESOME! They were delicious little slices of lettuce, carrots, cucumber, avocado, and a strawberry slices dipped in sweet chili sauce. Oh man. Can you tell I get excited over food? Does this make me a foodie? Cool! Mom and I each had a roll (4 pieces) and it carried us for a long time. I think even that little detail made me excited! I am such a dork. πŸ˜€

Yea, I drive a jeep πŸ˜€

We hung out with my sister for a bit and I helped her move some totes and furniture in her house because she is moving. Moving where? Our house! Not that our house isn’t crowded enough with my mom, my brother, a great pyranees mix (oh trust me, there shall be pics), a chihuahua, one cat, two kittens, and myself. We are adding my sister, three bird cages, and four birds. Crazy. Money is hard for everyone, and hopefully we can all help each other out. After the visit was another grocery store visit for some free Diabetes Meds for my mom from Publix. What a great program that is! We got some more food samples (deli ham, cheese, peach pie, and mom had a potato crusted fish sample it was good) and I got to walk out with a little container of Black figs. So excited! Although, when I did get home and tried one it tasted really weird! I hope they all aren’t like that , I would be super sad face.

These are some of the pets. The first picture is Feona my baby and the next is my kitten Bo, and his sister Girl Kitty, enjoying their box.

So that was basically my day, got home and made whole-wheat rotini and pot pies for dinner. Gave my dog another flea bath (dang heat and fleas!), working on a 101 in 1001 list to start, and basically just chilling.

I’ve been thinking a lot the last couple of days how I can start this healthy journey with small steps that don’t overwhelm me and make me lose my focus. I think my first step is going to deal with myself. I realize that I need to work on how I feel about myself on the inside instead of focusing all my attention on what I look like on the outside. Being skinny won’t make me healthy. Loving myself for who I am, being proud of the things i’ve accomplished, working towards goals to make my life better .. those are the things that make you, as a whole, healthy. I need to make the inside healthy before the outside will follow. I’m going to make a list of things that I’m going to start doing every day/evening. A lot of this stuff I do already, like showering/brushing teeth. I’m going to add in other things that will help me feel better about myself (taking a vitamin every day) and make me feel good about being a girl (lotions!). This is my plan for the rest of the evening, and to stick to the list is my weekly goal!

❀

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