I am not posting much lately I know. This blog is more for me to get things off my mind then for anyone to read it (not sure anyone will anyway!) and I know I should post more because I have a LOT of stuff on my mind.
I implemented my plan. Now, it’s not a ‘follow these steps’ kind of plan but a general ‘step by step will get me by’ type of plan. I am tracking in a way. Keeping tabs on my calories and carbs to an extent. I want to be beneath a certain amount of carbs, and between a certain amount of calories. That’s it. If I go over, I do better the next day. I am trying to be more aware of what I am putting in my body, more aware of when I think about food, more aware when I crave something, and more aware of the effects the bad stuff is doing to me. I may be eating lower carbs, but I am not going out and buying a big cheeseburger and tossing the bun. I am baking chicken breasts in different herbs and using them in multiple ways, but because it is a chicken breast and very low in carb, if I want more .. i’ll have more. Most of my carbs are coming from fruits and vegetables (I LOVE FRUIT).
Some of the things that I’ve already discovered is that I crave things fast and suddenly. That’s usually why I hit the drive-thru so often, quick and fast. I haven’t had fast food since my binge a couple of weeks ago, which is great. I’m not saying the urge to go hasn’t popped up, oh boy has it ever. It is such a hard feeling to explain. It’s like something unseen is pushing or pulling you, wanting you to just easily turn the wheel and enter the fast food line. The last week I have had this feeling many times, and I have done well not to give in. Even in the store to urge to buy something that I don’t really need, like a lunchable, is incredibly strong. I want it suddenly, I feel like I NEED it, and I almost get it but I walk away distracting myself with an item that is actually on my list. I will admit I gave in to a craving today, it wasn’t fast food but I really wanted some chinese boneless spare ribs. Not my best choice, not for good reasons i’m sure, but I did it. I know I have issues with food and it’s much more evident when I look at the empty containor and realize that I could have saved some for later or tomorrow. I was so caught up in no one seeing me eat it or knowing that I got it that I ate the whole thing. I will probably even eat dinner as well just to keep up the facade. I am weak still, but I am working on it.
To move on to a more positive thing. I did lose 5lbs this last week! I am really not sure what happened because I thought some of my choices weren’t the best choices I could make but chalked it up to figuring out how I work. I am at a weight I don’t think I have ever been since I was a child, and it’s all down-hill from here. I don’t ever remember being at any weight going down, so it’s all new to me. I want to keep this momentum going, I want to keep the positivity going. I am trying, I really am.
I wasn’t ready to add in exercise yet, but my boss brought up that she wanted to walk during lunches and asked if I was interested. I said definitely! I don’t feel safe walking at home, and am way to lazy to go drive somewhere to walk, so this seems perfect. I’m hoping this helps me lost some extra weight or keep the momentum going to get me to a more positive place. A place where I KNOW things can happen.